thank you krazy_phoenix and cris and krista.

it really does help to know that i am not completely alone in the world. it feels like it sometimes. it's helpful to feel validated, so thank you! this was really traumatic to me too. and i dont know how to deal with it. but even just being able to say something to someone.... it's better than nothing. i dont really have too many people close to me irl anymore. it's too hard to open up to my friends about how my reality is every day and i fear that i really have isolated myself too much. my partner doesn't really have anyone else either. i think that's part of the problem. all we have is each other, and i take on all her hurt and suffering and struggles every day. i dont know how to make time for me. i dont know what i need. but it feels like she needs more than i need. ugh. i have some co-dependent issues.

i saw my therapist today, and it was really hard. i cried most of the time. it hurts a lot to know that my partner suffers so much. it hurts me. and i want to know that she is trying to get better. i fear that the work with her therapist might not be getting her the help she needs. i dont know how to help though. i'm going to work on myself with my t, but it's hard when most of what we talked about today was about my partner and her lack of a DID therapist. i know she's worked really hard with her current t for about 8 years... but could it be that they aren't a good match anymore? (not that they didn't work out well together for a while, years even) can a DID person get help from a therapist that hasn't ever worked with another DID person? i fear talking to my partner about it because i dont want to tell her what she needs to do to get better or decide for her how her therapy is or should be. it's her job to heal herself. but i do feel sad when i dont think she's really addressing the problems in her (our) life. she just recently decided to go down to every other week with her therapist because she had seemed more conversational than working through things lately. it's just that it seems backward to me. i think there is so much going on these days that she should even be increasing her time with her t. i'm going to keep working on my boundaries. it's just not easy.