hey neri.... I know I don't know nearly enough about all of this but I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and hope things get better for you....soon. hun, drugs make things be "okay" in the short term b/c you can escape thinking about things, even feeling... but the reality is, the next day those problems are still there, lurking behind the corner... trust me, I understand, I've been there and am still struggling, but if there is one thing I can say it never ever fixed anything in the long run, if anything it caused more problems if I think about it. a T would really be the best person to talk to about this, b/f you make any decision... at least give it a try, it's worth a shot.