today was really difficult. i saw my T and talked a lot about what's been going on with my partner. she's really been struggling. she got in a big car accident last week and is having a lot of mental health issues surrounding that and her DID (there was an introject alter that came out and hurt her worse that the crash did - i explained this in my post to the dissociative disorders forum) and now she is having an extra hard time with agoraphobia and suicidal thoughts because she thinks she's always being punished for being hurt. other people hurt her and she gets in trouble so why bother trying to live anymore? ....well it's really taking a toll on me. i'm spread thin and having co-dependent issues and i take on too much of her issues.

i cried so much when i was talking with my t today. it was so hard. it's hard to actually talk about how much it hurts to see my partner hurt herself. it's hard to know that my partner is feeling more conversational in therapy and is trying to cut back on her time with her t when i think she has so much going on that she should be increasing her time with her t. and also, her t hasn't worked with other DID people before. i feel like i am doubting that they are getting work done. and my t made it clear to me today that i have a right to ask my partner to get help with someone who can address her needs (my t is actually a specialist in DID treatment, how ironic is that?!) she said it's like someone going to a lung doctor when they have a heart problem... she's not going to get the right help with the wrong doctor. it's hard to think about that. i can't even imagine talking to my partner about that without her freaking out. i dont want to tell her how to do her therapy, but what she does or doesn't do in therapy affects our relationship together. i at least want to know that she is trying to work on the issues in our every day life. i feel like she might be avoiding talking to her t about what is really going on. i hear all sorts of things from my partner each and every day and i wish she would be telling her t about those things instead of me. i dont know how to handle it.

she has a hard time taking care of herself, and i end up taking on too much. i'm a caretaker. i want her to be ok, but i can't always do it for her. it's just hard to step over the boundary of talking about therapy. we don't talk about each other's therapy... in a way it seems like it's our own business and that's that. but also, it is important for both of us to know how each other is working on our own stuff and to work together. i want our relationship to be getting better as we each are getting better on our own.

has anyone chosen to switch therapists after a really long time? was it hard? but did it help?!

my partner has been with her current t for at least 8 years i think. how might i be able to respectfully bring this up? maybe she would find different kind of healing possible with a therapist that really knows how DID and trauma affect people's lives. any thoughts on this would be appreciated. my t said for me to start thinking about how i could bring this up to my partner. it's scary to think about because i dont know how i would say any of this without her freaking out. though my t pointed out that today too - i'm wrapped up in co-dependent stuff because i'm always worrying about how she's going to react and then i dont say anything. it's so hard!!! it just feels like my therapy today was all about how my partner's therapy isn't working out. it seems weird.

sorry this got so long. i'm kinda rambling and ranting all over the place.