My father was physically abusive and still can't own up to the way he treated my family. Some people just don't change and it's not our place to make them change. Nothing I say to my father is magically going to make him believe that he was giving his wife and children anything that, is his mind, they didn't deserve. With time maybe she'll come to her own conclusions based on the fact that she lost her children when they grew up. Maybe it might occur to her that she treated them badly. It's only a maybe though.