I don't think that you are being selfish at all. Your husband is responsible for how he deals with anger himself. I understand how you feel for your friend and how he filled what seemed to be missing in your marriage. It has been so wonderful and I am sure helpful for you to have found such a friend who cares about you, so much so as to even talk to counselors about helping you! You have so many feelings to sort out right now. Take your time to think. Everything will eventually fall into place.

It's about time for me to go to bed. I am up too late tonight, but I had to write. I know things are very hard right now, but you'll get through it! Talk to you later.