I want to thank you all SO MUCH for your comments. Really. Everything every single person said helped a lot.

I've communicated with my friend a little bit...it seems like she wants to get together to talk about things, but she says "I honestly can't tell you where our relationship stands right now". Ugh. So, I feel like a little kid about to get in trouble, when I know I really truly didn't do anything wrong. I've thought about it and thought about (on the 8 hour drive here) because I want to own my part, for sure, but I'm not sure I *have* a part. I think she's just using me in her emotional drama. Ugh I feel sad and hurt. I don't really even want to get together with her to talk about it, honestly. It feels too risky.

What I REALLY want to do is put up all of my walls and cut myself off from all of my friends IRL - everyone but H and my kids and T. EVERYONE. I know that's the wrong thing to do, but I feel scared of trusting right now. Like, really scared. I hate it. It feels awful.

ANYHOW, I'm somewhere really fun, and I'm having a great time with my family, and it's easy to not think about this during the day.

Thank you, you guys. I really needed every single one of those posts. My heart hurts.