I finally have a word for how I feel around my little brother. He's suffocating. He asks a hundred questions, he talks constantly, he follows you around and demands to know where you're going, even if you just stand up and stretch. If I wanna go watch tv he wants to watch tv, if I wanna play video games by myself he wants to play video games. if I wanna go out he wants to go out. He's big for his age and being around him.. it makes me feel so suffocated, like I don't have any room to breathe.

I realized now that part of my staying home and skipping school is because when you feel suffocated 24/7, when there is constant noise and yelling and banging and tantrums.. 6 hours of complete silence in a house all your own is paradise.

Today was especially hard. Every time Kyle came near me, as soon as he would leave the opposite of the room that panicky, claustrophobic, anger would come out. I got a headache and I was close to tears. I needed a full 7 foot distance from him and I. Any closer and I'd start freaking out.

I have no idea how to deal with this. I hate being this way because when I tell him to leave me alone and be quiet I feel I'm being a horrible sister. I know he doesn't mean it, he can't help it, it's who he is and he doesn't understand. I can see I hurt his feelings when I snap, but.. I can't help it either..