There is nothing to fear except fear itself.

From what it seems in your post the feelings you have are those of a child. You know that right? I would suggest the link in my siggy for you to read and look into Transactional Analysis which will help you to recognize the issues you have. Possessing the emotions of a child in an adult body is scary. The fear can be horrible because at 4-5 years old, there is no control.