I know exactly what you mean.
I have been cutting for a year now and at first it wasn't as badd but now when I'm about to cut my thoughts are either cut my self or kill myself... thats how low I get with my depression...it sucks.
I'm supposed to start seeing a therapist soon and I would urge you to do the same before you get to the stage im at(if you ever do)
And if you ever need someone to talk to Im here