Yes I know what you mean. I am a recovering drug addict and I used to use and SI and now that I am clean I sometimes si instead of getting drunk or high, but addiction is still addiction and I went 2 years with out si, and now that I did it again my craving are worse and stronger than ever. it was like I knew I liked it doing it, but I forgot how it made me feel, and now that monkey is on my back. I am just fighting the urges and trying not to start again. I think about it all the time, but whenever I feel things I want to cut about I just think I am building my tolerance for emotion pain.