(((((Improving)))) sorry you are going through so much pain. I hope today goes better. I was really concerned to read that you took a handful of pills after talking to your t. It does not sound like that conversation was very comforting at all.

Can I just make a suggestion- it sounds like this relationship is stalled right now and that you are in urgent need of help all the same. So would it be possible for you to book an appointment with another therapist? I'm not suggesting ending things with this one but simply taking a break. Sometimes people just need a break and it does sound like your reserves are very very taxed right now. I agree with Wepow and what she tried to lay out here-- you need a fresh game plan. Please try to find someone to talk to about your partner, the train tracks, and whatever else you may be dealing with right now. There will be time to re-evaluate with a fresh mind if there are aspects of this relationship worth saving or not. But please right now focus on you-- it sounds like you have a lot of friends who may not know you are feeling this way, but would be very saddened if they knew the depths of your distress. Please focus on finding a short term solution. I have a feeling you can get through this but you might need a little extra help at the moment.