(((Improving))) I think you have got some great advice here. I am in the UK too and I know how expensive private therapist/pdocs are, and how disappointing the NHS is regarding mental health. I have been hospitalised several times and none have been a good experience so I understand your reluctance to go into hospital. I have found that talking with the Samaritans has been helpful in times when I can't get to T or when I need help but have no-one else to talk to (08457 90 90 90). You are obviously having a bad experience with your T but I would really encourage you not to give up on all Ts. There are some great ones out there who CAN help you and give you the support you need. I'm sorry you are in such a bad place right now. I hope you can get some support and help soon 
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Take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..
I need you, need you- Smokey Robinson
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