I hate taking medications....most of my years of depression and BPD have been with me stopping my meds. I guess in some way it is a SI kind of thing. I sabotage things quickly...because when I begin to feel better I get very anxious and concerned and usually they don't last so I just destroy the happiness early.
Anyway...finally have been on cymbalta and faithfully taking it for 6 months or so. It seems to be working and I have been really trying to get out of my constant darkness. Still strugging w/ constant suicidal idealization...but it is getting better.
Now, my insurance is not approving the prescription from my doctor. It is my primary doctor. I stopped seeing my pdoc about a month ago because I didn't really like her.
So....now I am very frustrated. It is like at every corner I turn there is something that just wants to stop my progression of ever being healed.
So, today, I am like... ***** IT! I am not going to take meds, go to T or do anything to feel better. I am going to quit my job, become homeless and not care at all about anything.
I am just in a funk, that begun yesterday and is lingering.