I almost dissociated in T yesterday. I have been seeing her for 3 years and for the first time I almost dissociated right in front of her....something I have never wanted to do because I don't want to scare her.
She could tell I was starting to have a hard time staying "present" so she brought out a game that I like to play, but it wasn't helping.

I was starting to think about someone from my past that abused me and I couldn't get him out of my mind. I was playing the game, but wasn't totally there. I told her and she asked me what I needed to stay present, but I didn't know. She brought out her chocolate tea container that she always has in her office because it usually helps when I get anxious, but it didn't work.....I started slipping.

So....she held out her hands for the first time. I was hesitant to reach out and grab them, but I did. As soon as I did it was like a whoosh of feeling came over me. It was weird. I grabbed her hands really hard. She asked me about my safe place...the beach. I went there. We talked about the sites, smells and sounds. It brought me back and I felt so much better.

I have never been that far gone with her and it scared me. I don't know why it scared me so much, but it did. I didn't want her to see me like that. I know that she has dealt with DID and dissociation before, so it's nothing new to her, but it's different because it's ME.

Anyway, is anyone else afraid to dissociate in front of T or have you had a hard time doing in with T and what has your experience been like?