Hey Improving...
Just offering a bit more support. Wish I could sit with you in person. You are in crisis, you need someone who will help, right there in real life. Samaritans are great, I want to encourage you, you can tell them anything and they won't send anyone to drag you to the hospital. Do they have day treatment in the UK? Like a partial hospitalization where you go every day for a week or two, but come home at night...something just to get your feet back under you?

I wish you peace...real peace