michelle421,

I can hear the pain and exhaustion in your post. My heart is with you. Please take a deep breath and remember to take care of yourself. You can't be a help to your partner if you don't take good care of you first (from one caregiver to another).
Does your partner use health insurance?
I thought of 2 things but not sure if they will help, as I somehow think you've already thought of them...
1. Could your partner see a new DID therapist along with her regular therapist (i.e. see her regular therapist once a week and a DID therapist once a week?)
Or
2. Could you both go see a couples therapist?
If you both go to a couples therapist you may be able to get across to your partner how much her helping herself means to you and what it means to the relationship. I just went through this with my own partner. I was on the other side though. I am always trying to cut back on therapy because of the cost. But I went to couples therapy with my S/O and she laid it out one more time that she just couldn't handle my cutting back on therapy. (red face). Sometimes I forget that when I don't take the best care of myself I am also hurting my partner. It is a difficult notion to wrap my head around - for your partner as well I imagine - because I am used to living my life totally alone and trying to take up as little space as possible. It blows my mind to think that the more I care for myself the more I am also caring for my partner and for our relationship.