Had another bad night last night. Had another panic attack. Called T.
I was pretty much hysterical, crying, threatening to cut. T got upset
and said I seem to think he is responsible if I cut, as I sent him an email
about him not calling me like he said he would. He said, "I dont like this at all" and was angry. He said something 30 years in practice he hasn't seen anyone like me...not sure exactly what he said. And that he felt in over his head with me.

I'm very nervous about seeing him today. I'm afraid he is going to discharge me and leave me.

He keeps saying I have control, but in the thros of a panic attack/PTSD
you dont feel in control. This behavior of mine is out of character for me
and I'm very afraid I'm losing it. It could be due to me going off medication for migraines, Topomax. I dont know, I'm just so worried he is going to try to get rid of me. He put himself in the position to be there when I called, now he is freaked out about me.