Next Tuesday is my first pdoc appointment. I'm so nervous. My T actually worked with this pdoc years ago when she was doing her intern at a treatment center. She said he's great and was glad I finally took the step to make an appointment.

Anyway, my appointment is 2hrs long. The first hour is paperwork What should I expect for this first appointment? My GP had signed me up for a program that gives you a care manager and helps you get into remission, but she said if I am diagnosed with BP2 I won't be eligible for the program because I will need direct contact with a pdoc not just a case manager. Anyway, she knew my T and I signed the release for her and my Drs to discuss me, and my GP immediately sent an order over for me to be seen by a psych because him, the case manager and my T all think I am BP2.

I'm not sure where this is going. I went to bed feeling blah and just like I didn't care if I woke up this morning. Not sad, just empty. Now I'm fighting back tears, trying to put on a smile and happy act for my husband and kids and all I want to do is disappear. I hate the ups and downs all the time, it's a never ending roller coaster that I'd rather jump off of.