I jinxed it by talking about it. Iam having a hard time. I am feeling so angry and stressed right now. My temper is short and because I don't want to take it out on my kids, I was feeling like I wanted to hurt myself.
When my 3 year old was really testing me and I lost my patience, I really wanted to shake him and throw things around. I would never do that, so I have to channel the anger somewhere and my mind went straight to razor blades, etc.

It's like I come out of depression, have a good period and right about when I notice I have been doing well, I get so much angry energy. I guess that is a mixed state?

Fortunately, I see my T tomorrow.