Ya know how some people always want to play the introducing game. Like, they meet someone from another country and they are all excited to introduce this new person to a friend of their's from the same country.

Or they find out someone is from NYC and they just can't wait to introduce them to someone they know moved from NYC 15 years ago.

When these introducers find that I'm a wounded combat vet, they go all out to tell me about their other friends who are vets (and often tell me the second hand stories they've remembered), and if I'm not careful, they want to introduce m to that other vet.

It happened again last night, and I just wanted to say all kinds of rude things, not to the vet but to the introducer. It's just kinda stupid if you ask me. What makes them think I want to meet another vet and have all my triggers pulled. They just don't understand what it's like being in my skin.

I didn't reveal my feelings, but the other vet probably wondered why I was kind of stand offish. Or maybe he was stand offish too. We didn't chat much.

After he left the little gathering, the introducer told me that this other guy had been way over the edge after Nam, creating havoc with his family and self medicating way too much. He is beyond all of that now and the introducer was telling how he'd turned his life around. The introducer was glad "he could meet me" ... like they think i've got it all together.

Truth is, that other guy is probably far better put together than I am because I'm spiraling down. Sure, I've made the appointments with the T. but I didn't get there yet, and the anxiety is growing and growing. My symptoms seem to be magnified since that initial intake meeting.

And now ... VA has set up appointments to reevaluate my disability based on ptsd. i told them I'd already been to the intake doc and that I have appointments scheduled, and they said I must come to this other city and go through this examination. I've resisted this same caller before and i would like to get something for this anxiety since it's going to be another couple months before I get my initial T appointments.

I've swallowed my panic and practiced stuffing everything back in the boxes. i'll go see them and find out if they ask the same questions as the first intake doc. I won't be as reluctant to tell the truth on some of these things this time. Hope i don't get in trouble for changing my story about how bad some symptoms are.

And I hope I don't meet any other vets who feel a need to tell me triggering stories.