(((Squigle))) I too hate the intensity of emotions. I too feel the same way many times in therapy. I play head games with myself all the time about therapy and yet I have moments of being completely vulnerable (much like you with sending your T the email). With missing a few sessions I've been feeling a little bit disjointed but at the same time I've welcomed the break. At my T appt yesterday I didn't want to say much of anything. Of course I will be writing about it all and bringing it with me to my next appt to read or I'm going to send her an email (I told her in my appt yesterday I didn't want to talk about a topic she was pushing me on - i was able to be honest about that).

Sometimes I think as a defense we just don't want to 'go there' in the moment.

Hope you find some peace of mind. How are you feeling now?