I struggle with not being able to do a d*mn thing to help her. I struggle with guilt over grieving for her when she isn't even gone yet. But as t says, it's important to be honest with myself right now about her. Her loss will be devastating in the end.

When my father called to tell me she was back in the hospital, I thought he was calling to tell me she had died.

I've lost a lot of people in my life, but never someone as close as my sister. The idea terrifies me. I feel completely helpless.