Yes It's so very hard to learn the things we were supposed to learn as a child when we're adults now-- I so understand that! but-- it's not impossible! It can be done and some have done it.

Please try(I know it's easier said than done-- heck I'm working on it myself) to NOT fear those old feelings-- they are from the past... they are old and don't match up with the present.... even though we try like heck to make them match up.

Would it help to think of it this way?--- "I will be the kind of parent for my scared/hurt little one that my parents weren't. I can be better than they ever were and show her safety and comfort, she does so deserve that"
(if you're like me this can be a bit difficult when out in the world and something triggers and we totally loose focus and have to go with things just to get through it-- but in sessions, seems to me T. could help with this-- bringing the focus on the comforting adult.??)

Since this stuff seems to mostly happen in session for you-- do you think you put your T. in the position of your parents? since they first caused most of the triggers and now T. is, in a way, continuing them..... you wanted and rightly so- expected your parents to fix your upset/walk you through it to the sunny side-- but they didn't... and now you play the same role with T.-- wanting HER to walk you through it to the sunny side. but that will just keep you stuck-- you see-- one, as an adult, has to do this on their own now. I know it SUCKS! it's not fair coz we NEVER got that and that's all we're asking-- sadly that time is long over now.

How about- go give that little girl a giant lollypop, or buy her her favorite movie, walk through the toy dept and let her see and pick out the most special thing(play dough, legos, stuffed animal, silly putty) that will give her that warm feeling inside- (the warm feeling inside is important-IMO)....

YOU are her safety zone now you have the power to comfort her, make her feel special, cared about and loved-- you know her better than anyone else.
-- like Dorothy in Oz-- you've had the power all along, you just didn't know it.

hope I've not rambled on too much and that some of this made some kind of sense for you.

best to you,

fins