Quote:
Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
Elliemay (or anyone) when is the story finally told? When the major facts are told? When it doesn't hurt to tell it any more? When the anger is gone? When the sadness is gone? Is there any going forward if anger and/or sadness still have power?
Or maybe it's "not a straight line of progression" even to the extent that these things can still exist and you can make some forward movement at same time?
I ask because my own "story" seems endless, the hurt and anger and sadness seem endless, and I find myself longing to be able to point to some forward movement.
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IMO, I'm not sure that the story if ever "fully" told. The truth may be out there, but the story? Well, can anyone
ever really
get it? Can we ever
truly reach back into it? Can we ever
completely get it all out? I don't think so - not fully. It's not like a splinter where one says "Ah, that's much better!". It's inculcated in us.
My therapist and I agree that I will always carry the ramifications of what happened to me. It will always be there, I don't get a do over. I still hurt, it's unfortunate, it's way beyond not fair, but, well, there you have it. It is what it is.
I know this may not be very helpful, but I think you will be done telling, hurting, and being angry when you are ready to accept it, and be done with THAT, and not one moment sooner.
For me, it was almost as though my rational side kicked in and was able to take a good hard look at that emotional side. It told me "okay, you're hurt, you're angry and no matter how you fixate on the past, it's never enough. So, what are you going to do about THIS. This is your one life and what, exactly, are you going to do with it?"
It wasn't like I woke up one morning and had that great epiphany. Not at all, it was a gradual realization that, while I likely would never
move on from the pain,
I could move with it. I could accept it and carry it.
That's when I started really working with my therapist to help me recognize patterns of behaviour. We could then understand where they were coming from. WHY I was doing what I was doing. HOW it was holding me back, and WAYS to get the confidence, bit by bit, to make my own choices - informed by me,
in the now and not dictated by what was behind me.
That's why I'm still in therapy. It's helping that rational side to stay on top of things.
That, and I really like Buddhism, make a whole lot of soap, and every single day - no matter what - I write down what gave me joy that day. A moment of just pure joy. It really helps.
Today it was a doughnut. Yesterday it was a freshly laundered sheets on my bed, the day before that these crazy squirrels that play in my back yard. Tomorrow, who knows? But my money is on the doughnut again.
