I just moved back in with my parents and it is even more awful than I remember it. My Dad is an alcoholic and my Mother has schitzoaffective disorder. Don't get me wrong, I love them and appreciate all they have done for me but that dosen't erase the past. Every day there is a fight. Today I was in the bathroom when my Mom burst through the door to get her toothbrush and tell me she was leaving. She was mad that my Dad (who has been doing better lately but still slips up) hadn't been paid and was upset that she failed a physical for work and she just flipped out. I was scared that if she left she would have nowhere to go and she would get hurt. She told me I don't understand anything.

Eventually she calmed down and apologized. I said it was fine, like I always do. Really though, her doing this just brought up all the memories of my Dad telling me he was leaving when I was a kid. Telling me that no one ever wanted me and they would all have been better off without me.

This is all very frustrating because I was recently dumped by the first man I have ever really loved or trusted. I am recovering from a suicide attempt that followed that and am also still recovering from a 5 1/2 year abusive relationship. I am having a really hard time right now especially with my abandonment issues, which just made tonight really terrible. Of course my parents don't know this because I can't ever let on that I am not doing perfectly fine. I have to be strong all the time, even when my own life is in shambles.

I have to find an apartment asap.

I just wanted to rant a little to others who understand.