Hmmm..... well... what have I been doing? After posting nearly everyday here for 8 months, suddenly, I had nothing to say... It was weird.

I think things in my mind had reached a scream. The way I was doing things weren't working anymore. I wish I could say I've discovered the great answer, but it's more liike I'm just a little further along in the journey....

Occasionally I still have those panic moments of feeling inferior, self doubt, self-loathing. What good does it do me anyway?

The future is still some vague mist I can't see clearly. I'm moving in some direction with no idea where it will lead, but I'm going along for the ride. It feels like it's going the right direction.

I got very down around the holidays. I boycotted Christmas financially and still a few people had to get me gifts even though I asked them not to. Said they wanted to show their love. Wish they'd have saved their money and gave me love is all.

New Years is a different matter for me. On one hand I don't want to set myself up with a lot of promises that may end up broken, and on the other I want to promise being more optimistic, more positive, reinforce the good of the past year and reach higher this year. I want to be like the snake shedding it's skin leaving behind all my old, negative habits, see myself as this new individual who can, who does, who is.

Things really are going well. School is occupying my mind, filling me with hope about the future; I'm in the first relationship I've had in several years as I learn to trust and care again; I'm employed, I'm healthy, my basic needs are met....

I still spend a fair amount of time trying to understand our political world, our social world, our spiritual world. Those matters can still depress me if I stay too long. I'm learning to compartmentalize better and that's really helped alot.

I hope everyone who reads this will spend more time contemplating the positive in their life this New Year cause we're already too good at thinking on the bad.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius