EmilyAnn, I'm really sorry for everything you've suffered. You don't deserve to be treated the way you have, and the measure of your worth is not in the relationships that have been so damaging to you. Right now, you don't want to move on, possibly due to the expectations you had (and still have) of this seemingly glowing, sparkling relationship you've had more recently. Believe it or not, that's not uncommon. The only way you'll begin to move on is if you see your ex boyfriend for who and what he really is.

I don't believe he wants to be friends with you, but not because you or your friendship are unworthy--he is the unworthy party in this situation. He may be trying to let you down easily, an approach that often does more harm than good, because it fuels the hope you still have in your heart. If he really was your friend, the communication would still be there, barring some extreme set of events. The bottom line is, you shouldn't reward him with your friendship after how he's treated you--that type of relationship should only go to exes who understand the concepts of dignity and respect.

You've made yourself vulnerable to someone who did not value the depth of that openness and trust, and it's going to hurt for a while. Give yourself a chance to process these feelings. I know how raw you must feel, and please believe me--there IS life after these ordeals. It sounds as if he has emotionally manipulated you on top of everything, promising a marriage and a future he did not intend to see to completion. Once you cast him out of the idealized manner in which you see him, you'll begin to heal a little. Don't contact him at all, and know you are not talking to him for you, and you alone. Let go of the future he dangled in front of you, and you'll see a truer, brighter future that belongs to you.

You are not a silly little girl. You are human, and you want and need love, just like everyone else. Don't let someone like your ex take away all the possibilities life holds for you. I wish you all the best, as well as the strength and courage to go forward when you are ready. The title of your post says it all, really--you never will be the same, but you can come out of this stronger, and your heart will open again one day, if you allow it to heal.