Welcome to PC! Glad to have you here. I am also glad you made an appointment because it sounds like you are having a really hard time right now. We are here for support and to lend an ear whenever you need it.
I remember what it was like when I was not on meds, so I can sympathize with what you are feeling and I am so sorry you are having to wait so long to see the doctor.
Just remember we are here for you even if just over the internet. You can pm me anytime if you need to.