I have the same problem. I thought I had a great childhood where my parents were involved but am slowly learning that my mother was very neglectful and my father was a little like that too. And recently, I thought I met this great guy but am learning that he's using emotional blackmail and being abusive to me, too.

Sometimes I think that some people are so clever at abusing you that it completely flies you by and you have to live with the terrible effects of it.