Sorry to hear you are having a rough time, have you ever tried going to couple's therapy about this?
If not have you thought of talking with a therapist or even his pdoc on some ways of really helping him from a professional's point of view?
It is so frustrating when you have probably tried just about everything, I am sure.
Have you ever considered a new pdoc for him, there is a possiblity that maybe his pdoc and him aren't a good match, and hasn't really hit on the proper diagnosis which can result on your husband not recieving the proper medication for the disorder, this can sometimes make matters worse, especially if he may really be Bipolar with or without ADD, the meds for the ADD (stimulants) can fuel hypomania or full blown mania, there often can be an overlap of behaviour(s) that one disorder can be mistaken for the other, and it is possible a person can have both disorders, but the pdoc's usually first like to treat the patient for the bipolar end and then work with the ADD next, as a precaution not to prescribe stimulants for the ADD and then turn around and find they can be fueling hypomania or even mania.
At this point maybe a second opinion from a new pdoc would be most beneficial. Oh, I think and I am almost sure that any trained pdoc can tell if a patient is lieing to them, and they can tell too if the patient is non-compliant with their meds. His drinking is his way of self medicating, it probably is helping him to "calm" himself down in his own mind, though it isn't helping him at all, trying to convince him of that is another hard thing, especially if he has already had a drink or two. You may want to have a seperate appt. with the pdoc that is treating him and unfortunately "tattle" on him if he is not coming out with all the things he is going through and experiencing, I know it sounds strange to do that it can help though, willing the pdoc is cool with that. I think for your own sanity and well being you really need to talk to a professional about different ways to go with this. This is a really tough time for you and also for your husband, it has to be equally frustrating for him too, I wish you both lots of luck with this.
Take care,
"darkeyes"

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON