It's hard for me to understand, I have never been attached to a T so much. But in reading this my heart goes out to you. I wish you had more people in your life to fill that need. I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly. I want to encourage you to take a breath if you need to. You can use other tools to help you thru this. I am a big advocate of the Samaritans, http://www.befrienders.org/
because they always listen, and you can say ANYTHING without the fear of the men in white coats showing up at your doorstep. It's a good number to keep on hand, there is no rule of how many times you can call, or what hours you can call or anything. It isn't a T replacement, you're probably going to have to do that at some point, but in the mean time it can help you thru the rough spots.