Tarmyg, by "root" I mean that I have to really figure out what it is about a certain event or action which triggers me. For example: One day I went to session and arrived early. My T was in his office with no one else there. He came out and saw me and said "I will be right with you after I finish my lunch" - then he politely shut the door.

Ok - THAT threw me into a tailspin. I felt hurt and rejected by him.
The pain was very deep and very real.
But my logical brain new it was "Ok" .. My T did nothing wrong. He was very polite. And I was playing with my iPad and occupied. I was not in distress. I was just a few min early. So why did I spin out from such a simple action?

It took me some work to process through this and find my "root" of being hurt by this action. I asked the good folks of PC for input and that really helped because they reminded me that my T was very good and he was there for me. Once I actually accepted the reality that my emotions didn't match the situation, I knew it was transference.

I had to feel for myself what that event brought up for me. What was it in my past that made me feel the same way? Was there a time when I just wanted to be with a primary caregiver only to have them close the door in my face? Did I sit there like a good girl and say nothing because I didn't want them to know how much it hurt inside? ahhhhh..... yes.

It was very difficult to make myself see the emotional connections. But I saw and felt the pain when my mom would go into her room and shut the door on us when we were little. I wanted to be with my mommy and didn't understand that she just needed some privacy. She didn't explain. So I was silent and sat there with a broken heart. Just like I did with my T.

There I was all excited to see my T... to be in the same space as him... and I was fine with him sitting there with the door open just eating his lunch while I played. I didn't need him to say anything to me. I just was enjoying his company and it felt safe. But when he closed the door, my heart jumped right into the transference and felt like my mother was once again closing the door on me. And that hurt. So I said nothing at the time of the session - or for a while after that in fact. The pain was so deep that I just couldn't tell him. I was being the "good girl" all over again.

Finally I did share with my T. But only after I figured it out for myself. :-)
I don't recommend trying to figure out transference on your own though. Just be honest with T and T can walk you through it. But I also know how challenging that can be.