I think you are doing the best that you possibly can in this situation. Has your son had a FULL psychological work up done? (I ask b/c somewhere along the way I slipped through the cracks and only had one done 3 months ago, although I've been dealing with these issues and seeing Ts and Pdocs for over a decade). I commend you in being there for your sons. Is it possible to get a note from his therapist/pdoc explaining to the school that he has an actual medical condition that is causing him to not be able to do his school work and that it has nothing to do with truancy/neglect.

I don't think that you are being selfish to want treatment for both of you. I think you have realized that you need all the support you can get. I wish you the best of luck. If there is anything I can do please PM me or let me know.