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Hi ~ I would say defiinitely you're depressed, but you're also filled with guilt. Depression does make us feel numb to our emotions ~ it's a horrible feeling not to be able to feel joy, happiness, love, even hate, --- in your case I DO think you're able to feel GUILT. I might be wrong, but I think you're feeling guilty about your relationship with the other man and your wanting to leave your husband for him.
If your husband is abusive, whether it's verbally, emotionally, or physically, you either need to get counseling (both of you) or you need to get out. An abuser rarely STOPS abusing -- perhaps if he went to anger management it would help. It all depends on how much work you want to put into this marriage, or if you've already had enough.
The ball is in your court. It's up to you. I wish you the very best in whatever you decide to do. Take care. Hugs, Lee
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