I have to agree a little with Zen and mj both...it seems like maybe you need to examine why you are so attracted to vulnerability...maybe I'm wrong but it sounds like you may have low self esteem that your dealng with. That being said it sounds like you love each other very much and that is beautiful but it also sounds like you already resent his illness and how he is handling it and it seems to me that that can only worsen if he doesn't change to suit your "ideal" and then you both will be further hurt and emotionally damaged...not to mention the impact it may have on your children. Besides if you don't respect the way he is handling his illness then how can you really respect him completely or trust him? These things are very important for a long term relationship. It sounds like neither of you are ready to be "partners" in a relationship. This is not a bad thing in itself but it can be if you try to force it. If what you have together is real it will always be there and there is no hurry...you should probably both separate awhile and examine what it is you really want. I'm not saying that it will easy but it will be easier than doing it later when your children are also emotionally invested in the relationship. I'll qualify all of this though by saying that I am probably the last person in the world that should be giving relationship advice...