Hi ((((Mary Alice))))): You said in your repy to SeptMorn that you didn't want to believe [good] things [about yourself] that would end up 'hurting you more.' Mary Alice, how can you possibly hurt more than you do now? Anything has to be better, right?

Why not try letting some of the positive data and input in to counteract the 'negative inner critic'? I mean, what more is there to lose than what you are contemplating now (by ending your life).

Why not just say f-uc-k it, I'm going to have a mental paradigm shift, and allow [yourself] to believe that, in fact, God doesn't make junk, (and he doesn't), and maybe you can give yourself a break from perfection mode, and strive for excellence instead. That internal pressure you feel is enormous, but you can start to release some of it, really, I truly believe that you can.

The suicidal ideation and even cutting can be a release for a short while, but when it's gone as far as it has now, it really is time, (obvious statement coming - sorry ), to take some very agressive and proactive steps to counteract it.

You just can't, (well you can, but...), passively accept what's happening as inevitable; there is choice involved here. We support you so much, Mary Alice, and care for you. You're playing with fire that can have very deadly consequences, (which I know you know), with cataclysmic ramifications for little Alex, (for one).

I know you would endure physical torment yourself, rather than have Alex have to endure it. This choice to continue on, and endeavor even more strenuously to bring about a positive change in circumstance is just as much of a sacrifice that you can, and currently are, making for him.

Keeping you always in prayer. Very sincerely, Jill

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>