Hi everyone. I've been on PC for awhile, but I've never posted. I have stalked the forums, but not in a creepy way. ; )

I do not have a diagnosis, but I suspect that I may have BPD. I dissociate, I have intense mood swings, I always assume that people will reject me (even people I've been "close" with for years),etc. However, I also have reasons for thinking that my problem may not be BPD. For example, while I am very sensitive to criticism, I rarely get angry at others for how they treat me. My negative emotional response is directed at myself- why am I such a failure of a human being that *insertnamehere* treated me with such little respect? I also do not self-harm, am generally not suicidal, and am too anxious to be impulsive. Of course, I recognize that not all people with BPD will experience all of the symptoms...

I believe that, if I had a greater understanding of the mood disturbances associated with BPD, it would be easier for me to decide whether or not I should bring possible BPD to my therapist's attention. My mood swings are intense. When I am low, simply getting through a routine task like showering is difficult. I feel as if nothing will ever improve, and I believe that I am unlovable; occasionally, I have to sleep to avoid the emotional pain. When I am experiencing the opposite end of the spectrum, I feel incredibly confident. I believe that I am destined for great things, that I will be the victim turned hero whose life of intense passion, dedication, and achievement will be remembered for years to come. I have a floating sensation. Sometimes I even feel depressed and hypomanic at the same time. I do not feel that there is a strong correlation between these moods and what occurs in my life, but there is definitely a connection. Generally, my highs stem from daydreams and my lows occur when I am most embedded in reality. This may explain why I am so dissociative, haha. I rarely experience any mood for longer than a few hours, and I have periods where I feel rather stable.

To those of you who suffer from BPD, does this description of mood cycling sound familiar? Thanks for taking the time to read and answer.