Thank you all...it was actually at my friends suggestions that I sought out this forum to toss about everything that was going on with my husband!! He did not know at the time how I felt about him but he knew obviously how he felt and knew I was basically turning to him as a sounding board and wasn't comfortable with that knowing his opinion was biased! See this is why he touches my heart...he knew I was turning to him for emotional support, he wanted to be there for me however he could (he spoke with some counsellors to get advice on the situation!!) but he didn't want to influence me because of his own feelings. When we discussed how we were both feeling before we parted company he even told me to come post about him with relation everything to get everyones feedback...so I finally did God, I miss him. My husband on the other hand thinks that when I come here to post that I'm being ridiculous and telling everyone "our business." He's not accepting that we are getting divorced...he keeps telling our son that "mommy wants to leave and get a new boyfriend" It kills me because it is not about getting a new boyfriend. It is about having a relationship that is about happiness and partnership not about just "doing the right thing" and co-existing in a home with a man I can honestly say that I would not even be friends with if I met him today. Does that sound horrible? Obviously I have made the decision not to jump into another relationship. It's simply not in my son's best interest, he doesn't need anymore confusion, and if my soon to be ex-husband is not interested in protecting his emotional well being that only leaves me. He burned our wedding album in the garage in front of our son a few days ago and told the two of us that he will not allow me to lie to my son the way I have lied to him...I wasn't trying to lie though...I really wasn't...and even if I was some tawdry ***** how does it benefit our son to tell him that? This morning was horrible...I was bringing my son to our local childrens museum and as we went to leave I noticed that my husband had gone out and taken my car (I don't even have keys to his so he knew he was leaving me without transportation and that I would have to wait for him now to get back before taking our son out) So my son was all upset and crying and my husband finally got back like 1/2 hr later and angry as I was I asked him if he wanted to come along to the museum...this was a mistake but I did it for two reasons...1. I thought that the entire point of him pulling the stunt with the car was that he wanted to go and 2. I thought that even though we are splitting up we should still be able to be civil to one another and occasionally take our son out together. H e relpied..."No, you don't really want me to go, go F$%# yourself" Now my son overhears this because he makes no attempt to keep him from hearing it) and says "But she asked you so she does want you to go" and my husband replies to our son "No she knows you want me to go so that's why she asked but I'll take you somewhere myself later without her." I think this was hurtful and unneccesary but once again I get nailed by my husband with "No, it's honest and I'm not gonna let you lie to him." Arrgghh, when will this all end.....