hi definately understand about your question "how do you let go?" its never going to be easy but its something u need to peel ur self away from so u can have a life where u feel good. since an alcohol problem and cheating are a factor u can leave with good conscience knowing u did the right thing by leaving. since you say u feel no love and ur numb u should leave now before u continue to talk urself into staying. also think are u able to support yourself? will ur husband flip out and hurt u if u serve him with divorce papers? do u have a strong support team that can help u cope these r important things to consider. most women even without kids cant just up and leave when they r married just because they would have nowhere 2 stay. before u leave get your housing, and support all lined up maybe even a second job to replace ur husbands income that was benefiting u. also is counciling possible? even if u have to go alone u should they can help u mentally prepare to leave. i hope this helps