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I know you're going through some tough times yourself. So was I - having to address issues having to do with my (deceased) suicidal alcoholic mother - turned out a lot of her issues were based on her unknown serious illness at the time - amyloidosis. I never believed she had amyloidosis (doctors didn't know about her type). I was diagnosed with amyloidosis when my son was in junior high, so we had a LOT on our plates back then.
Take baby steps in the process of your own healing. I never realized how hard it was to seriously address issues from the past. I know each memory packs a huge punch, and it takes time to digest and comprehend the information. If you're able to allow the dust to settle before addressing something else, it's a little easier to "read" the story of your life. Take it one line, one paragraph, one page, one chapter at a time. Trying to digest an entire book all at once can make you sick.
I managed to maintain contact with my son by explaining to him I'm going through a seriously tough time, but he's my number one concern. I told him there will be times when my mind will be in a complete fog, and I'll be useless to him. BUT, if a crisis occurred during a time when I was in that "fog," I would STILL be there for him - but it's got to be a REAL crisis in his life....similar to a fire alarm. SO, in the event of a "fire," my son was given the key word - "MOM - SNAP OUT OF IT - I NEED YOU."
It wasn't a perfect solution - but it allowed us to dance through those turbulent years without stepping on too many toes or having to kick anyone off the dance floor.
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