My husband needed a ride to the bus station this morning.

He's going to pick up the new motorcycle, which is on Long Island, which if you know anything about the NJ/NY (this is USA for those outside) area, is a very awful drive, 2 bridges that I do not drive over and I'm very afraid to make that drive. The last time we went there I thought I was going to have to drive home and was freaking out - this time owned up to him that I was very afraid to drive on those roads and especially the one major bridge AND I hate driving behind him when he rides in case something happens and either I hit him or I see him get hit....these are my fears and although he may not agree I feel I am justified in having them.

Our relationship is so up and down - he'd said something hurtful to me yesterday so I was crying on my way home from work, but then he was very sweet last night and we were listening to music together, which we hadn't done in years.

He wanted to catch a 7:04AM bus.

The bus station is about 10 minutes from the house.

He didn't pack his gear the night before.

So this morning, he's rushing around, also playing his stupid video game at the last minute on Facebook to make sure everything is in place....

Then we're rushing rushing rushing.....

He missed the bus.

the next one is 30 minutes later.

he doesn't want to wait.

He can't take the train because he'd bought the bus ticket online.

Now he wants to drive the hour and a half to the bike shop - I hadn't even brushed my teeth, no coffee, no food ....i said no....and he got so mad....said he can't count on me....we sped up the highway and passed the bus so he could catch it at the next stop.
When he stopped the car he spilt coffee all over my car - if I ever spilt coffee in HIS car you can't even imagine how he'd freak out about that.

I gave him a Freaking gift this morning to celebrate his new motorcycle. Just a shirt I found yesterday but I was trying to be nice. I try so hard to be nice and he just doesn't know how to be nice. It's like he has no filter for what comes out of his mouth. He knows how stressed out I've been from my job and how i've been seeing my therapist every week instead of every 2-3 months. He knows I've been seeing the Pdoc more often. He certainly knows i've been crying all of the time and you'd think my HUSBAND could be a little nicer to me....i don't know why he has to be so mean.

And then when he comes home I don't know how he will act - it's a 50/50 shot of "Look at our new bike honey" or a "silent treatment".

And we have plans with my parents and very old family friends tonight so we have to play loving couple no matter what.

i can't stop crying and i'm sick to my stomach.

We just got married last April and I knew then - he was so mean to me the night before our wedding - in front of most of our friends and family AND on our honeymoon.....i never should have married him....and now it's too late.

I'm sorry for this being so long. none of my friends know exactly how bad things are here so i can't call anyone.