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Hi, I'm new here, so a little information about me to help give background info to my main issue:
1) 19/female.
2) Sexually active with boyfriend of 1 year.
3) Never had had sex before him.
4) Aware of sex and regularly watching porn by age 14
5) Have a very loving and happy relationship with my boyfriend.
6) Well educated, not religious and no authoritarian parents.
I came to these forums for advice on sexual issues and am really embarrassed to talk about it in real life to people. I am a bit worried I may be too graphic or upset someone with my issues so please tell me if I am doing so, I really dont want to make anyone uncomfortable.
Anyway, onto the issue... I have been watching porn from what I believe to be a young age and have gone through phases of gay porn, lesbian porn, straight porn, fetish (domination/submission, sadism/masochism pain, role play, pretty much every thing extreme out there) etc. I never have masturbated much and dont believe i have ever achieved orgasm but used to watch porn obsessively. I no longer watch porn and dont feel the urge to but occassionally indulge in fantasy or online erotic literature.
When I first started having sex, it was exciting and i was able to get aroused but i think it was just because it was "new" and that quickly ended. My boyfriend and I are both open with each other and it's comfortable to be naked and embarrassing etc around each other and he spends a lot of time of foreplay and I think he is very talented. The problem is...I don't get turned on by regular sex. I have to pretend to get wet by using lube on myself before he comes over or if he is in the bathroom, I have to use spit discreetly to aid it and always 'fake' orgasm. I don't think he puts pressure on me to orgasm, but it has been going on too long now to suddenly say i have been lying all this time and haven't orgasmed yet. I have researched into vaginal dryness and am just starting to change my lifestyle (and buy products meant for women on their menopause!) to see if that will help me get wet as i think the pressure of sneaking around with lube all the time may not be helping me get wet!
The thing is, i can occasionally get wet when i have spent time fantasizing about extreme fetish or taboo (dad/daughter incest for example) which i find emotionally hard as i am extremely against any forms of pedophilia or abuse. We have experimented with handcuffs, blindfolds, holding each other down, teasing, orgasm denial etc but only small fold. I manage to get turned on by this when I fantasize in my head about more extreme fetish but this is rare.
Before i had lots of lube, there were a few times where I got to dry and had to tell him to stop. This was all early on in the relationship when I was highly embarrassed. One incident happened when I had sex thinking my period had finished, but it hadn't and I bled on him. I was drunk at the time and ended up lying, saying I had been abused as a child to divert the attention. Im hugely embarrassed of this and now...months on, when we are far closer, i would never have said it to him or to anyone because the lie disgusts me. I just panicked i think but it is too late to tell him it was a lie and i dont think he would believe me if i said it was. This lie has made it easy to get out of sex sometimes when i am too dry. But I dont lie about it anymore, it is a subject left in the past and now I am just struggling with not getting wet.
Basically, do you think i should keep using lubes? go to a doctor? try kinkier things with my boyfriend? and does anyone else have the problem of only being able to be turned on by something taboo and extreme??
i feel really alone.
I have had treatment for depression and family issues in the past and am now off all medication and i believe fully recovered with only a couple of down moments. I just really want to know if i'm alone or how to enjoy 'normal' sex? I just cant get into it.
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