I know exactly what you mean when you can't stop the war going on inside your head. You're not at the place yet where you are strong enough to counter the brain-washing abuse, but you'll get there, you'll believe you are worth your life, things take time with PTSD. I also can relate to when you said you could still feel the things he did to you, physically. That's a hard pill to swallow after something traumatic, learning your body doesn't forget either. What i find helpful is meds, group, therapy, and CBT. It is hard as hell sometimes to ground myself in a safe way. I want to cut/drink. Hopefully meds will start helping. Something i like to use to ground is squeeze an ice cube in my hand until it melts. Hope u find some good coping skills that work for you.