Hey,
Please pleasE READ THIS, I KNow its sort of long but I would appreciate it. Thanks!!
For those who haven't read my posts, I was sexually abused by my brother in law for 7 years of my childhood. practically all of my childhood. He's 18 years elder to me. And by sexual abuse, I mean sexual all the way, including sex, etc...
So, today I finally told my sister. She cried. He abuses her a lot, hits her, beats her, cusses her out, etc.
Her responses confused me. She cried coz she was hurt but I didn't feel like she understood the effects it had on me.
Most times she asked me why didnt you tell me before. I explained how I was a kid, I didn't know wtf was happening and many other factors. Constantly kept asking me why didnt you tell me before??
What irked me was:
1. She said she was going to file for divorce and drench him from all of his money. Cool. I asked her if she could ask them how I could do the same (not drench him, but ask for money for American Therapy - I moved away from US last year and would like skype with an american therapist, they cost 220 dollars per session and i need $$ for that.)
Her response: "Well... umm I dont know, thats between you and him."
Cool, it is. but atleast console me a little and let me know "ok Sam, I'll do that for ya."
2. The second thing that irked me:
At the end of conversation, I asked her to please not disclose this to anyone but a therapist. I understand she has to deal with this, its hard for her, etc.. but at the same time, this is MY PERSONAL information FIRST and I do expect others to keep it private. I wouldn't like it being disclosed without my consent.
Her response: "Um.. its MY PERSONAL LIFE! he's the father of my kids!!!!!"
Um. wtf! Okay fine, yes it includes her personal life. and YES it affects her MAJORLY, but the first person here would be me, I would think. especially since this is during my childhood. and I don't really feel like i ever had one anymore because of this. I took so much courage to tell her.. what I really expected was:
Wow, sam I'm really sorry for what he's done to you. THis is really affecting me too, he's the father of my kids etc etc.. but I can see how this has affected you..
----And I know one thing that irked her. I told her i'd no longer call her the title "elder sister" anymore. In indian people, we sometimes have that. If someone is elder than you, you address them by the name followed by elder sister or brother. Well, my other sis is 4 years younger to her, she doesnt have to say it.
And my views on it is that I don't like saying it because in my life I've seen people abuse it. She used to be mean to me and constantly woudl say "i'm your older sister, you dont do this you dont do that. I said so... etc etc etc.."
NO. just coz you said so, doesn't mean I gotta do it. I dont like that kind of relationship where someone has more power. I feel everyone's rights and feelings should be respected. I'm sure it hurt her when I said that and she took it personally but I just don't feel the need and want to say it to her after everything happened and there was this one time, she betrayed me.
3. Then she said. Sam, you really should look into yourself, your life, and how you handle relationships.. I'm just saying...
What she meant to say was, Sam you cant keep relationships coz you never do what I say. Bad bad bad. Just like she used to say i'm bad in childhood.
I really didn't like the above 3 irk-ations. Need other peoples views on this please!
I do feel a whole lot better after telling once again. Oh and i confronted her husband but he obviously denied it. She believed me. (they were in different countries when I revealed it so it was easier to talk to both of them). I had given the bastard an ultimatum
Either you tell her in 4 hours or I'm gonna. So i did!
She also said she had been waiting for me to tell her this so she could finally divorce him. this was the last thread she'd been waiting for.
What? But he used to hit you until you got black in the face, why did you have to wait for ME? you already knew what he was doing was wrong!