They want me to go again.
They want me to meet with two new people.
One is the consultant psychiatrist and the other is the consultant psychologist.
I'm not clear whether they just want to discuss my "concerns" - there is some suggestion that the psychologist might want to do a psychology assessment.
I'm scared I won't be able to stay there. Alice has been coming out a lot at the hospital and doing stuff I can't remember. She cried and rocked and closed her eyes last tiem and then I think she went away too - she certainly didn't want to be reached. She came out when I saw Ruth last week too - we ended up hiding under the bench and ruth had to make us come out. It's all too scary, too scary. Lorraine said she will come too but it is still scary. What if I say the wrong things and they decide I don't need help or don't deserve it again? What if I can't talk?
It's not for a long time (17th January) but I am scared already. I am trying not to think about it and I have written down what I want to say so I can print it out to give them if I need to. The complaints department won't answer my questions by email any more because they say it is too distressing for me and not good for me. All these people who have never seen me keep making decisions about what is best for me. And they all keep saying different things. I feel like I am in a maze and all I want is for someone to show me the way out. I don't want them to get me out, just to point me in the right direction. But nobody wants to.