How do I move past feeling that what happened to me as a child was my fault to recognising it as abuse?
It's not like there was any physical or sexual abuse. My parents had their own issues, and replayed a lot of their own problems on me and (to a lesser extent) my brother. My mum was disowned by her parents. I grew up with the knowledge and the threat that she would leave us. I was the one who had to make things OK at home so she would stay, but all the time I was growing up I knew I was to blame for her unhappiness. Right down to the fact that her father disowned her when she got pregnant with me very soon after they married. That is a BIG issue for me. That conviction that, if it hadn't been for my existence, things could have been so different for my parents. Then there was the whole need to prove myself, to excel all the time. Any mistakes, and faults, were instantly identified. I don't remember being praised. But it doesn't feel like I was abused, just that I was a bad kid and made things tough for them. Emotionally I was abandoned, but materially I was provided for. I know otheres had it so much worse and that in a way makes it harder. I can't blame my parents so it must be my fault.
C