Oh sweetie, (((jadedmoonbeam))) I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. When I was in couples counseling, and individual counseling having trouble in my relationship my T had me make a list of things that had to change for me to stay (because my happiness is my responsibility and I can't make him do anything) and then set a reasonable time period for beginning to see changes (it was 6 months). I then in couples counseling presented him with a copy of the list and that I was going to leave if I didn't see changes happening.

By listing out exactly why I was unhappy and exactly what I needed it helped me clarify my thinking. BTW, it didn't work out. He didn't take me seriously so 6-8 months later I left him. Apparently that was the wakeup call he needed lol. Now, about a year later, we're friends again. Guess what...everything on that list? Being worked on or fixed. Perhaps you could make a list and then try a trial separation if things aren't changing. That would at least let your husband know exactly what's wrong and what you intend to do if things don't change. Then follow through. Make sure to include respect and love me - because everyone deserves that. Best of luck