I don't believe love = tough...stop enabling is what helps...what brought me to my senses with my alcoholism 8yrs ago was when I came back home after another episode and my husband had just left everything the way I'd left it when I staggered out the housE, lights all on, cans evrywhere and he'd gone to bed, norMally he'd sit up worrying (codependent at this stage) and we'd argue when I got back.

But as I say this time, not out of any pre planned "tough love", he'd just reached his own point of desperation and changed, which left me facing my own actions and behaviour, I haven't taken a drink since that night. You see both of us needed to change, he had become codependent of my behaviour and my behaviour was fuelling that.

I think Some excuse their behaviour as tough love, stops them changing themselves first.