Hey, it's very difficult to say whether these experiences sound like BPD, as they are also symptoms of many other difficulties (lots of diagnoses overlap). It's clear that you're feeling very unsure and unhappy, and have low self-esteem.

My advice would be to go and see a professional to build up a trusting and open relationship with them (this may take time and work) and get them to help you make things happier and easier in your life, and possibly diagnose you with BPD.