this is gonna be long and kinda boring..hope you all dont mind

hello all im still new here,but the advice i have recieved has been good as well as the reception. i would like to thank all of you for that. but as you can see im back again. and my depression was triggered again. its hard dealing with being on an emotional roller coaster and its to the point i feel it made me less of the man i once was. i virtually let my girlfriend walk over me when in the past that never happened. and when i would speak out,it felt as is i was talking to myself. and my mom said thats no way to be in a relationship. the stress for her and her family (by the way i was engaged to her but she called it off after i paid on the ring). the things that these people did and said and how they treated me caused me to drink,and i mean drink heavy,beer,and hard liquor and i know this is not me and i stopped. my sleep habits have been non exsisant. barely sleeping,going to work angry all types of bad things. coming home from a hard days work to a fiance that wasnt working due to being fired and wasnt trying to go back work. all the bills fell on me when i make little to no money,and at times i would just get massive headaches. and being made to feel uncomfortable in a home that i pay bills in and have to rest my head. to be put on the backburner for her family and no matter what i do its not good enough. i started to feel like pure crap all over again.

a family member who also suffers from depression says this is a blessing her leaving and all. but she's leaving in a messed up way and that sucks. i was told now that i can be free again and live the way i want and to find things that i enjoy. well i've always wanted to live out a dream and own a harley-davidson bike. i want to get ona bike and live and ride free. but those dreams were dashed because my credit sucks and im going through bankruptcy. i felt stupid and lo for wasting the peoples time talking at the bike dealership. i keep asking why does all this happen to me. am i a loser that cant do anything right. i just want a simple life. i dont want to be the richest man alive. i just want a piece of mind, and the ability to live free and no one judge me. because of my depression im told im some kind of crazy and all these things. i feel very hopeless like its no light at the end of this dark tunnel. i know to some this may seem a case of broken heart. but i felt like this without the woman issues,that just added to it. i want and need to do something for me for a change instead of always putting others ahead of myself. because look what its gotten me. NOTHING.